Her passing is a bitter-sweet thing. I know that she is in a better place, her mind and memory were so bad and who wants to live like that, no one. But selfishly I wish that she was still here so that we could hold hands for just another moment.
I am so grateful that I was able to go to Utah and be there for her funeral and to say goodbye to her. My sweet mother-in-law jumped on a plane and flew to Ohio to help me drive the 25 1/2 hours back west. KayLee flew in late Wednesday, I woke her at 4 a,m, Thursday and we were off to Utah. The drive was nothing like I expected, the kids were AMAZING (thanks to my cheese ball purchase). We never once turned on the radio, KayLee and I talked the entire time, she asked some pretty good questions, bucket list kind of stuff, it really made me think. We arrived in Utah Friday evening just in time to have a pizza picnic outside with Grandpa, La La, and Caleb.
The next day is when it all began and I found myself trying not to cry all of the time. I would remember little things that I loved about my Grandma (like how she always made the best malts!!!) It was so good to see my Montana folks, I love hugging them, and so good to see my cousins, it had been too long, but that is how we roll in my fam. Saturday was spent doing last minute things, shopping, and we made a special trip to SLC to visit Grandma Faye, I love that lady, and miss her so much. It was so good to see her and I hope when we left she knew how much she means to me, I kept telling her over and over. Saturday evening was dinner together and the kids just ran around and got to know each other (my cousins have some pretty cute and sweet kids). Porter was not there that night, he was fishing with his other grandpa.
Sunday was the day of the viewing. I was surprised how well I held it together that evening. I was amazed at the number of people that came to see her and support our family. I even had Lynn, a women I used to work with at Davis, come, and the Starkey's and the Hooton's came all the way to Ogden from Herriman to show their support (thanks you guys, I love you all, and I had some great flashbacks of our camping trip to Zion.....)
Monday was her funeral and I had no idea how had that would be. My wonderful in-law family kept the kids for me while I went early to be with the family, then Matthew and KayLee brought them later to the service. I was doing well, keeping it together, and not fully approaching the casket, I wasn't ready. Then it happened, the wave of emotion. Aubrey walked in and gave me a hug and I just couldn't stop, I truly melted into her, and I am sure that I got her cute H & M shirt a little nasty. Then Sunni walked it, lost it again, then Brian and Clara came in, lost it again. I missed Andy so much and wished so badly he could be there, and I think when my dear friends, who I have so much history came in, I just cried. They all knew my grandma and spent a fair amount of time with her, so it just was so special to me that they came.
The funeral was very good, different than any one that I have ever been to before, but it was great, and I know that my Grandma would have been so happy to see us all there and to see that her family pulled it together and came together to honor her life. I loved hearing all of the stories that people shared about her. I am so grateful for KayLee for getting up there first, breaking the ice, and sharing a great story about how she flew with my Grandma out to Maine to visit me when we lived there. Apparently my grandma was chosen for the pat down and kept setting the sensor off. When it was all said and done and they were about to get on the plane KayLee asked Grandma if she was okay, and Grandma said "Of course, that is the most fun I have had in 10 years!!". Great story, I will never forget that.
It was wonderful to see everyone gathered at the graveside, her casket was beautiful, she so would have chosen that exact one for herself, I know it. After we took some pictures and said good-bye to those who traveled far, people slowly started to leave, it was hot, and everyone was done, including myself. But I just couldn't leave. I didn't want to leave her alone there, just like the way she left this earth. My Dad and Julie came and sat with me and it was nice to talk with them about how wonderful the funeral was. They encouraged me to go, so I left and went to the car, but I still couldn't leave. I drove down below her plot and watched as the men worked fast to put away the chairs, take down the tent, and they were getting ready to put the lid on the vault. It took so much of me to put the car into drive, but I knew I didn't want to see them dump dirt on the top of her. I called Andy and he talked me through my drive home to my Uncle's house.
The day got better and less emotional as we all ate, looked through old pictures, and spent time together. I loved seeing my cousins and taking pictures with them on the steps, failing to reenact a photo that was taken years ago. I loved to see my uncles and being able to give them a hug whenever I wanted to. I loved hearing my Dad's laugh, and feeling a squeeze from Julie around my shoulders making sure I was doing okay. I love my family, no matter how crazy we are and my Grandma did too.
Grandma Pat, thank you for always being my best friend and being so supportive in everything I did in my life. You were always my greatest fan. Love you forever.
Now for the pictures....
Love these crazies....
Carlee and my Dad playing in the back yard.
Marin and Sidney, that girl is the baby whisperer.
Shelby, Carlee, and Tessa
Tessa formed a crazy connection with my Uncle Jeff.
The funeral....
My Grandma
Three of the four brothers
Sidney, my cousin Paige, and Jayme
The fam
My Dad and Marin
I just realized that Marin wasn't in this with us, Hello...
Regardless of what happened, which I will never know, this man was better to my Grandmother than any other man. He spent more Christmas' and other holiday with her than the rest of us, and he was there for her and took care of her more than the rest of us could. I love you Grandpa Gene, thank you for being there.
My Pa and I
Oh I wish Montana was closer.
One last goodbye
After the funeral....
My cousins and I
The "Tami" pose
***I cannot end this post without a huge thank you to my in-law family. They took such good care of me and especially my four children while I was going through all of this. It was crazy and I cannot imagine going through all of that without them. They are such a blessing in my life and I am so lucky.
5 comments:
It was an emotional roller coaster for all of us, but we wanted you to know you weren't alone. You have some great pictures that will help draw back the curtains of time and bring those memories back to keep the ones you love near. Pat was loved by all who were lucky enough to meet her.
Shay, this is a wonderful post that you will look back on in the coming years and treasure. I did something like this when my grandmother passed away and your Grandma sounds a lot like her in so many ways! So glad you were able to make it out west to be there with your wonderful family! You are a wonderful wife, Mom, friend and just a fabulous person all around. Your Grandma would be so proud! Love you!!
oh man.... TOTALLY cried and I didn't even know your grandma. You did such a good job on this post though and I'm glad you made it out there.
Your grandma pat was one of the cuttest women in the whole world!! I remember her ALWAYS having a smile on her face! I love the story of the "pat down", that sounds just like her. We loved getting to spend time with you and your beautiful family.
I love this post & I love you! So glad you hlwere able to see so many members of your family and be there to celebrate her life. Very sweet.
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