Debbie Downer....

So I was on the phone with my mother-in-law complaining about my life and apologized for being a Debbie Downer and realized how perfect that name fit me right now. Things have been hard for me lately. I loved having the opportunity to go to Utah to be with my family for the funeral, it was amazing, and I loved being able to spend some time with Andy's family, but overall I was emotionally overwhelmed. I had a few moments in Utah when I just needed to cry, between one grandpa passing and my other grandma needing to be watched over, it was just a lot to take in in such a short period of time. To top that all off, Tessa got the lovely gift of croup from the not so lovely air of Utah. The night before we left she was barking and I knew. To this day, one week later we are still dealing with her fever, cough, and now a yucky green booger nose. Oh, and I came home and started the throwing up at night thing again thanks to baby number 4.

I feel like I cannot get a break. I am a women of routine and when it gets disrupted I fall apart. I am trying to make the climb back up, but it is hard. I am an adult, mother, and wife, but I feel like I need someone to come in and tell me what to do.

On another note, I miss Andy, he has been working such long hours, leaving at 6 am and not coming home until 7 p.m. everyday. It just gets old. I hate residency and there are times when I would give anything to go back to med school, where he had the summers off and we spent our days on the beach.

For the rest of the week we have a primary activity tonight for the kids (should be fun for them and an hour break for me), Tessa shot appt. in the morning (if her fever goes away), I work in the library at Porter's school tomorrow (may have to cancel that again, Porter misses me there though), Porter's Valentine party at school Friday that I am in charge of, and Porter's Harry Potter b-day party that was supposed to be on his b-day on Janruary 30th but I was gone.

So there you have it, me in a nutshell right now. I guess the only thing I can do is the best I can, which I don't know what my best is right now. And I would like to thank my friends here in Ohio who have called and offered to help, it means a lot to me.

For now, some pictures from the funeral.









*Some thoughts on the funeral. It was hard, I think all funerals are hard. But I feel that the hardest part is seeing the people that you love so much be so sad and knowing the only thing you can do is hug them and let you know you love them. It is amazing to me how everything happens for a reason. My Dad met Julie, they got married, she had an had wonderful family and parents, her father baptized me, eventually I met Andy, got married, had kids, and here I am. There is more to it, but you get what I am saying. I love how life is a story and how all of our stories are different and how we all have our own "that happened for a reason" moments.